...all my words are falling short...

...please, not again. It's enough to be reminded that tomorrow is the anniversary of Katrina's landfall on New Orleans. It's enough to be reminded of what happened. Like 9/11, Katrina still goes to the heart of me, and the thought of what the City and Her people endured - of what all the victims of natural disasters endure - still and always will bring me to tears.

It happened; we can't change that, only recover, and pray for providence and solace. We can recover, and prepare. We couldn't have stopped Katrina. We could have done something about the levees, yes, but not the storm itself. It was bad enough, before the levees.

I went down there, you know, December 2005, mere months after it happened. We went into the Ninth Ward, to the very spot where the levees failed. I saw Her, the City, ravaged, raped, gasping, and I thought, This will be the death of me. New Orleans is as much a part of my identity as my parents, my siblings, my friends, my education - anything that has shaped me into the person I am. I rejoiced that She still lived...but would she make it through the night?

She did, she has, as far as I'm concerned. I went to Mardi Gras 2006, and I knew Her soul had not flown. The City thrived in spirit, if not in flesh. I went to Mardi Gras 2007 and 2008; I take regular trips down there in between Mardi Gras seasons (luckily my job requires my presence in southern Louisiana frequently). I have family down there. I don't care what the natives say who say that She is not recovered - they're looking for a normalcy that will never return, for a presence that can never been regained. New Orleans will never be the same - but She has recovered.

...so the thought of Her being hit again is unbearable and soul-wracking.

It's like this: in February 1997 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She lost one breast and had to undergo chemo therapy. It was a devastating experience, but she recovered. She was declared free of cancer.

In April 2001 my mother was again diagnosed with breast cancer - a different cancer, not the same cancer as before, an entirely different cancer - in her remaining breast, which she subsequently lost, as well as undergoing chemo again. Though we'd been through this before, and knew what to expect, and could plan better and understood better....it was no less devastating to see her suffering and sick and in pain. It was no less devastating and heartbreaking and difficult to have to endure it again. She missed out on going to Europe as a family (she was determined that we go on, especially since my dad had never been, and she had); to be there for my engagement (which she insisted take place as it had been planned) in London.

Even if you've lived through something before, and know what to expect, it's no less painful and heartrending to live through it again.