Huh....never thought of it like that...

I serve on two committees that, predictably, jack up my blood pressure - Faculty Senate and the Library Webpages Committee. They have something in common which results in the rise in blood pressure: a variety of viewpoints. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing; in fact, I think it's a great thing. It means we are to take into consideration multiple points of view in a forum situation, which helps us make well-informed and carefully thought-out plans, and we're able to cover our bases better.

But it also means that sometimes we have to (1) deal with personal agendas (it's not an issue on the webpages one, but it's been a big one in Senate), and (2) work extra hard to compromise yet still meet the needs of all the parties concerned/involved, which is, as you can imagine, pretty difficult.

Today in the webpages meeting, there was...drama. A mass meltdown of sorts. I won't talk about that here - I've already ranted elsewhere, and feel better. Also, I think we came to a better understanding of some of our issues, though it's lamentable that it happened the way it happened. What I want to consider here is something two of my colleagues said afterward that made me think.

One colleague said that she always felt it was...unfair that the reference department projected its aggression on me as the conduit for its expression, i.e., when the department is irritated about something, I'm the one that expresses it. I never really thought of it like that. I've just always felt that, because our department head isn't really an advocate for us as a department, I should be, being the next "senior" member in the department. Also, I'm the most outspoken, never one to back down on an issue I think is important, to sound sort of politicky for minute. I never really thought of it as a emotional experience - it's always been one of practicality and necessity. I never considered the emotional side of it.

But my colleague is right; I am the voice of aggression for my department. But it doesn't bother me. I consider it an honor to be the Bitch on behalf of my colleagues. :)

Another colleague remarked that she felt compelled to speak out during this particular meeting (rather than holding her peace) because she felt it was unfair that I was the one who did most of the fighting on behalf of our department. "You're saying the things we're all thinking, and fighting for all the things we want - but you're usually the only one doing it, even though we all agree. I felt it was time to back you up." Which I appreciate - sometimes I feel like I talk too much in these meetings, but as yet another co-worker told me once: these meetings seem to lose steam and shut down whenever I have to leave early. They don't get stuff accomplished because nobody talks. It's nice to know that I'm not actually talking too much, or monopolizing the conversation - apparently I'm just summing stuff up better and expressing it more appropriately, and my colleagues don't find it necessary to "me too" too often.

Before you think I'm getting a big head, consider: I'm shocked to hear these things, and to hear my co-workers applaud my efforts, which I thought were annoying them. No - they're telling me that they're glad I'm here to help, and that's always a nice feeling. Should I get my boss's job, I hope to be able to continue to support my co-workers. I genuinely do have their best (work) interests at heart.