Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion

I've been trying to feel complete again.

I need more time alone. Alone, in an empty house, in a room intended for my desires.

I have always been restless. Gypsy soul, that's what you'd call it. Born and bred to want to be on the Road constantly. It's a theme that has pervaded my life for as long as I can remember--even before I could put a name to the feeling and romanticize, "philosophize" it as I have. Made it a part of the soul/mind complex, like my morality and my spirituality.

Why do I get possessed by this restless feeling? Why do I get possessed by mania, as well? It's nice to have names for these unknowns, but an identification is not a definition, not an explanation. I suppose I'm asking the wrong questions. I don't even know where to begin to find the right ones.

I don't think it matters, really. I am alive. I am grateful for that. I live. More than that--I live. I experience, respond, process. Everything that means I'm not just existing.

I don't know where this is coming from. It's just here. I'll keep chasing that rabbit.

Edit, 1320pm, same day: ...you don't realize the passing of time. You walk alone in your own space. --Damian Adare to his daughter Audrina in V.C. Andrews' novel My Sweet Audrina.