A long time ago a friend told me I needed more of what was "fair and balanced" in my life. He also said, and I'm paraphrasing from a discussion that took place almost a year ago, that I was good at attracting damaged goods kind of people, the kinds of people who seem to want others to fix them. And that people perceived me as a fixer. Maybe I am. I'd like to think I've actually helped people in the past (like my bf from high school, or my roommate). But I didn't so much as fix them as provide them with emotional support and proof that they were worthy of love. Maybe that's the same thing.

I'm damaged goods. I come to the table with luggage, and lots of it, but who doesn't, in reality? I just feel like my damaged goods are hard to deal with and at any time could drive off the people I trust as friends. But we aren't going to deal with those issues today. What I want to talk about today is the fact that I do indeed seem to have a hard time making friends with people who are good for me. I mean, I make friends with people who are good people--just not necessarily good for me. I wonder why that is?

I do have friends who are good for me--my bf from high school, my college roommate, my married friends in my hometown (a few couples, actually), my friends from my yahoo group. I have two or three friends here who aren't bad for me and have actually promoted growth of some sort in the soul/mind complex. I just don't understand why the majority of the others were so bad for me, and why I am so good at finding them. What kind of damage is that?

I know what made me so ripe for the mistakes of last year--loneliness. I let it get the better of me. I don't usually, but for some reason it overwhelmed me. It's not excuse; it's a reason. Nothing excuses the grandiose catalog of mistakes I made in the last year in the context of my "relationships" with some of the Malcontents (as I refer to the people I used to call friends here). I'll use the experience to steel me against making the same mistakes again, no doubt. But I want to understand what makes me so prone to making bad decisions when it comes to making friends.