...I will wait for you right here...

...circle in the sand...

...and you complete the heart of me...

Two things complete the circuit that keeps me running: the Captain and the City. Yes, I often question this unprovoked and unreasonable attachment to the City Beneath the Sea, this unaccountable love affair...but even recognizing, intellectually, that I cannot account for it does not diminish its power. And I hear the Voice of the City in most things, so she is ever with me...

It seems like all I ever talk about on here is my preoccupation with the City, or my reliance on the Captain, or my restlessness. I want that to change...

...but not today. Today I'm going to feel every misfired nerve, every inch of muscle and joint that aches and burns, every slowly drawn breath (slow, to avoid hurting the ribs), every stabbing sensation that pierces my ears, every pulse that radiates from my sinuses and rocks through my jaws and teeth, every step taken that resounds through the bones and joints like an alarm, every letter and word typed that feels like it's shattering my left hand, every lightning bolt that thunders down my spine...

...and I'm going to be grateful for every one, because I am alive and could still get out of bed this morning, despite the hurricane of pain slamming into this body; I am alive, and my life is pretty good - there is money, there is shelter, food, kitties, friends, family, love - and though it's hotter than hell, somehow fitting for the Summer Solstice, it's still a gorgeous day. This flare-up will pass, just like the other ones, and this virus or flu or whatever it is haunting me will go away, and I'll have weeks and weeks of feeling nominally normal, like I did before last week. This flare-up is not the end of the world, no matter how much pain I'm in, and it will pass.

Today I will not accomplish much, that's okay. I won't feel guilt about it. I'll accept that it's a fact of the disorder. Tonight I will have dinner with friends, perhaps hang out for a little while, then go home, do some reasonable house cleaning, and rest. I will maintain my house, and my soul.