the stars are bright tonight

...there's a strange new music in the street...

Dreaming of Home under a winter sky; dreaming of the world under a fall sky. These are my consolations on this bitterly humid and hot day, almost four weeks out from Lu's death. Most of the time I don't expect to see her little fuzzy butt swaggering into the bathroom in the morning, though every once in a while I do. Or I think I catch her out of the corner of my eye, sitting in the front window. It still hurts, to think of her, but not as much as it did. I don't know that time heals all wounds, but I know that the more time I have to make peace with her death, and the more I remember the good times, the better things get, the easier the grief gets to live with.

Have been experimenting with stimulus control therapy to deal with my insomnia. Thus far results have been satisfactory. The protocol includes viewing pleasant pictures prior to bedtime, then utilizing an app on my iTouch called "Sleepmaker Storm" to create thunderstorm sounds all night long. Bedtime, until last night, was 11pm. I've been sleeping better than I have in years, and it's surprising. With a little attitude adjustment and a simple but relaxing protocol, sleep has come more naturally and deeply and quickly than ever with pills. Last night I changed bedtime to 11:30pm and have regretted that, but now I know the ideal window for bedtime is 9-11pm. Tonight I shall try 10-10:30pm for bedtime and see how that works.

Wrangling the demon Insomnia is encouraging, and it's inspired me to try non-pharmaceutical alternatives for my pain problems. I have a muscle in my left shoulder that stays tight, no matter what, left over from a sprain in college. It was very, very painful yesterday, but did not respond to Alleve (which I prefer now to my painkillers) or prescription muscle relaxers. But when I put on a long-sleeve shirt over my t-shirt, effectively creating more warmth for my shoulder, the pain eased off. My sister has always believed in heatwraps and pads; I may well become a believer as well.

If only all one's demons could be so easily treated and dealt with! But we learn, and we grow, and at least I'm 31 and learning all these things now, rather than later. That has been one of my consolations over the years: wisdom has meant that I have learned things sooner and faster than I ought, and that has helped me cope.

...just to keep the flame from going out...